The Three Phases of Relationships, by Hanna Perlberger
Relationships are everything, because everything exists in relationship to something else. No one and nothing is in isolation. As Tony Robbins says, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” There are ways of being in relationship. Are you all in or do you just have a toe in? How do you show up? Are you in a relationship by default or by design?
There are 3 distinct phases of every relationship, and each will happen:
1st phase –
It’s the first exposure you have to someone and it can be very short, a few seconds even. What we see visually, what we take in as the essence of a person, causes us to quickly make a decision about the person – whether we will interact again and how we will interact. These automatic decisions may not be healthy or good. This is where a good coach can help someone take more time in making these decisions.
This is the exploratory phase, where we start to check out whether we decide whether this person will be a lover, friend, acquaintance or someone we will never deal with again. We use strategies to find out if this person is a good fit. We are trying to find out whether we mesh or not, to decide whether it will be a long term relationship or not, and this process can be short or long. Again, this is where a coach can help a person see this as a 2-step process, to “slow it down” and be intentional so that they can get more power in their relationships and mastery over themselves.
This last phase is called “unveiling” and it lasts throughout the rest of the relationship. It’s a back and forth process of continuing to display more and more of who we are and our partners display more and more of who they are. This can take place over years and decades, a lifetime. As we grow and change we need to display this to others – unveiling is the term for that process. It’s the beauty and peace felt in a relationship that has matured over years.
What happens when one or both partner stop the unveiling process? The relationship stops growing. It withers or dies. Even though many people are able to stay in a stagnant relationship, they don’t do it happily. They don’t do it with any joy or fulfillment because people are meant to change and grow. Being stagnant takes all the energy and enthusiasm out of it
Having a relationship coach empowers you to understand and make good choices about each phase of a relationship. Great relationships make a great life and great choices make great relationships.